Monday, June 25, 2012

Finding Real Marriage: Complementarianism, Egalitarianism, and Evangelical Individuality in Wired America (An Evangelical Conclusion)



This was my final paper for my Evangelicalism course. As it stands, it treads murky waters between a survey of attitudes and a somewhat interesting theory. I wish I had devoted more time to exploring the thesis (which I only just stumbled upon after having written the majority of the essay). I think that how the Internet changes religious authority is an interesting topic, and, were I a more devoted student, could have produced a particularly relevant and insightful essay. As it stands, we have this.


In January of 2012, a book was published that created a firestorm of controversy amongst American evangelical Christians. The book Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together[1] by megachurch pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife, Grace, purported to offer insights into a “biblical view” of the marriage contract. The book reached the number one position on the New York Times Best Seller List. Despite its popularity and explicitly evangelical marketing, the book drew ire from within the evangelical subculture – with critics denouncing the book as immature, misogynistic, and backward. The majority of the backlash took place on blogs and through other online outlets. The Real Marriage controversy and ensuing online discourse between Complementarians (those who believe that men and women are inherently different and complement each other) and Egalitarians (who believe that all are equal and should be treated as such) reveals how the Internet age has altered the way that authority is dispersed within the evangelical community.

For most of the history of the movement, Evangelical attitudes toward marriage have been grounded in the “separate spheres” ideology of the 19th century. A patriarchal system, separate spheres divided life into two discrete categories – public and private. Public life -- work, politics, and law -- was to be kept separate from home life – homemaking, education, child-rearing, and religion. Through various biological, psychological, and theological determinants, men occupied the public sphere, while women occupied the private sphere. Sociologists Sally K. Gallagher and Christian Smith write:
One hallmark of traditional evangelical Protestantism has been the adherence to a neotraditionalism in which women are seen as subordinate to men. This particular gender ideology focuses on gender differences in family responsibilities and has its roots in the ideal of separate spheres for women and men that emerged during the late nineteenth century. Natural, even God-given essences were argued to be the basis of masculine aggression, worldly wisdom, and rationality and its complement, feminine submission, purity, piety, and domesticity – an argument that continues to be presented by a number of contemporary evangelical writers today.[2]

By promoting separate spheres as “natural” and “God-given” early evangelicals were appealing to Weber’s rational-legal authority and traditional authority. Because male/female differences were “natural” they were therefore true and because they had been determined by God, the ultimate arbiter of the law, it was imperative that these spheres be reinforced. This authority would be challenged in the 1950s and 1960s, as social movements pushed for equality for all people, including women, and this challenge would necessitate the development of new forms of authority.
            Evangelicals were not immune to the effects of the civil rights movements of the mid-20th century. The push for an egalitarian society by the culture at large was reflected amongst some evangelical groups, particularly evangelical women. In order to gain support for this position, progressive evangelicals appealed to the charismatic authority of Jesus of Nazareth. In their article “‘We are not Doormats’”: The Influence of Feminism on Contemporary Evangelicals in the United States,” Judith Stacey and Susan Elizabeth Gerard write:
To counter evangelicals' standard patriarchalist reading of the scriptural foundation for women's subordination to their husbands, Christian feminists have developed an ingenious, and perhaps somewhat forced, doctrine of mutual submission. Biblical feminists argue that the essence of Christ's message and practice was a radically egalitarian challenge to prevailing patriarchal society, a society so profoundly patriarchal that Jesus was compelled to couch his subversive and implicitly feminist teachings in terms comprehensible and tolerable to his compatriots. When read in this context, those troubling passages in the bible that direct wives to submit to their husbands, such as Paul's notorious message to the Ephesians, can be understood to mean instead mutual submission.”[3][4]
Gerard and Stacey go on to explain the influence that evangelical feminists have had on evangelical culture as a whole, claiming the impact of feminism on evangelical discourse is “profound and diffuse.” They cite the increasing number of male theologians who teach feminist ideas, evangelical support of the Equal Rights Amendment, and a survey that revealed that students at evangelical colleges supported both conservative and progressive views of marital roles.
As elements of egalitarianism crept into the evangelical discourse in the 1980s, a vocal segment formed that recognized the success that egalitarians were having, and openly fought against an egalitarian evangelicalism. Young (at the time) pastors and theologians like, Al Mohler, John Piper, and Wayne Grudem banded together in an attempt to rebuff what they viewed as the insidious encroachment of egalitarian thought.
These and other like-minded men founded the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, an organization explicitly devoted to promoting a complementarian view of sex and gender roles. One of the five goals of the CBMW is, “To act as a key player in stopping what was in 1985 a floodtide of evangelical feminism sweeping through the evangelical world almost completely unchallenged. (But even though it is no longer a flood, there is still a steady stream of egalitarianism flowing through the evangelical world, and it continues to harm marriages and the church.)[5] In an article explaining the origins of and motivations for the founding of the group, Grudem attacks egalitarian interpretations of Ephesians 5, the idea of a gender-neutral (in regards to the deity) bible, and the influence of evangelical feminism.
            The CBMW eventually codified their beliefs into the Danvers Statement, published in 1988. The Danvers Statement articulates the need for the CBMW to exist and serves as an overview of the core beliefs of the movement. The statement is divided into two sections, a “rationale” and “affirmations.” The rationale section highlights ten contemporary developments, which CBMW observes with deep concern. These developments include:
…the widespread uncertainty and confusion in our culture regarding the complementary differences between masculinity and femininity; the increasing promotion given to feminist egalitarianism with accompanying distortions or neglect of the glad harmony portrayed in Scripture between the loving, humble leadership of redeemed husbands and the intelligent willing support of the leadership by redeemed wives; and the widespread ambivalence regarding motherhood, vocational homemaking, and the many ministries historically performed by women…[6]
The affirmations section goes on to attack these observations by building a patriarchal hermeneutic through textual references.
            While there is no way to quantify the influence that the Danvers Statement has had on evangelicalism, the influence of Grudem, Piper, and Mohler is more easily seen. Grudem’s works of systematic theology are routinely prescribed at evangelical colleges, Piper is a best-selling author and hugely influential pastor, and Mohler is the president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. The rise in the popularity and influence of these men seems to reflect the overall rise of the Religious Right in the United States.
Despite being damaged by the legacy of the Danvers Statement and the conservative takeover of evangelicalism, the egalitarian movement still exists. There remain well-known thinkers like NT Wright, Frank and Evelyn Stagg, and William J Webb who carry the torch for marital equality, using many of the same arguments that were developed by feminists in the 1980s. 
As experts debated complementarianism and egalitarianism via pulpits and periodicals, new technologies allowed the laity to lend their own perspectives to the pulpit. Through the Internet, everyday evangelicals were spreading their own gospel. Websites, podcasts, Twitter feeds, and YouTube channels sprung up, giving voice to those who were previously restricted to hashing out theological quandaries with those in their immediate surroundings. It also gave an even larger platform to superstar pastors. In addition to preaching to congregations of 5,000+, the most popular pastors have the ability to preach to an unlimited number of people through online networks.
            Enter Mark Driscoll. Driscoll is the pastor at Mars Hill Church in Seattle and founder of the Acts 29 Network, an evangelical ministry dedicated to church planting. The Mars Hill Church podcast is the third most downloaded Christian podcast on iTunes.[7] While Driscoll is heavily influenced by the thought of Mohler, Piper, and Grudem (he often appears with Piper at evangelical events), he does not present himself in the same way as these men. Instead, he has cultivated a populist image and a specific vision of Christianity. Driscoll’s is a hyper-masculine brand of Christianity, one that emphasizes male leadership and “proper” male behavior, said to include hunting, fighting, and having sex. His masculinized Christianity has been wildly popular, and Driscoll is one of the most influential young pastors in the nation whom wields a level of charismatic authority beyond the scope of even the most industrious itinerant preachers of the Great Awakenings.
It stands to reason then, that a book authored by Driscoll, discussing marriage and gender roles, would be widely read and hotly debated amongst evangelicals. Like Driscoll himself, Real Marriage presents itself as an alternative to a wishy-washy vision of Christianity. In many ways, it is, but largely superficially, and largely in relation to sex. The Driscolls write candidly about the passion or lack-thereof in their sex life, pornography, and the use of erotic devices in the bedroom, but the fundamental theology is no different than that of the CBMW. In a chapter entitled “The Respectful Wife,” Grace writes, “Men and women were created with equal worth but different roles. God created and called the man to lead and love his wife, and when he doesn’t do that in a holy way, he is sinning. God created the woman to help and respect her husband, and when she doesn’t do that in a holy way, she is sinning.”[8] Throughout the book, both Grace and Mark espouse similar complementarian sentiments.
Because of Driscoll’s stature in the evangelical community, the book engendered an enormous online response from Christians of all types, be they conservative, progressive, or moderate.
Rachel Held Evans, a feminist blogger and author of Evolving in Money Town and A Year of Biblical Womanhood, wrote:
As others have noted, the book focuses so much on sex that it can create the impression that it’s the most important element of marriage.  Also, as I’ve noticed before, Mark has the tendency to project. Because his wife was abused in the past, he believes that the majority of women were abused in the past. Because he and Grace struggled with their sexual relationship, he believes that most couples struggle with their sexual relationship. Because he likes sports and hunting, he assumes that “real men” like sports and hunting. Because his marriage is based on a hierarchal pattern of submission, he believes that “real marriage” is based on a hierarchal pattern of submission.[9]
Evans criticisms of the book focused on the complementarian bent, while she wrote that she found the graphic sexual content excessive, she did not condemn it in principle. Evans’ review engendered 526 comments from readers, most of them agreeing with her criticisms of the book. The most “liked” comment was from a reader who claimed that a passage of the book, in which Driscoll condemns his wife rather harshly for cheating on him prior to their marriage, “made her want to puke.” The majority of the conversation fixated on this passage and whether or not Driscoll was being petty or manipulative.
            On the other side of the aisle, Denny Burk blogger and associate professor at Boyce College (a subsidiary of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary), praised the book for its complementarian stance, but spends a good third of his review expressing reservations about the graphic descriptions of sexuality:
First, the book is unashamedly complementarian. Mark’s challenge to men in chapter 3 is one of the strongest exhortations to biblical manhood that I have ever read… The Driscolls argue that the only way to experience marriage to its fullest is to embrace manhood and womanhood as the Bible defines it and to live out the roles that are prescribed in scripture. This is all to be commended… Among the activities that the authors deem permissible within this taxonomy are masturbation, fellatio/cunnilingus, sodomy (on both spouses), menstrual sex, role-playing, sex toys, birth control, cosmetic surgery, cybersex, and sexual medication. The Driscolls are careful to stipulate that these are activities spouses may participate in by mutual agreement, but not that they must participate in (p. 180). No spouse should be manipulated into doing anything that violates his or her conscience (p. 178). The only item in the list deemed impermissible in every circumstance is sexual assault…I think chapter 10 has the potential to wreak havoc in such marriages where one spouse will feel a whole range of taboos to be “permissible” if he can convince his spouse to participate. This to me seems like a recipe for marital disaster, and I do not think the Driscolls’ requirement of “helpfulness” mitigates the difficulty.[10]
Burk’s review received 173 comments, the majority of which agreed with his sentiment. Driscoll is praised for his “gospel-centrality” but condemned for his focus on sex. Many of the commenters were so offended by the chapter on sexuality that they disregard the work as a whole, despite its complementarian worldview.
            Lastly, David Moore, a blogger at Fuller Theological Seminary’s “The Burner” blog, and a self-identified complementarian also took issue with the book:
This book has an astoundingly unbelievable disrespect for women. I’m not much of a feminist. Men and women are different, generally have different gifts and abilities and both are valuable. In our household, I’m the chief decision-maker because my wife and I agree that is what the New Testament instructs. Plenty of people don’t agree with that, and that’s fine.[11]
Moore occupies a middle ground between Evans and Burk. While he fixates on the sexuality of the book, he does so because he finds it degrading to women, rather than its graphic nature. He writes, “This might be a new low for Christian marriage books. Is there more to marriage that male sexual satisfaction?” Likewise, Moore’s commenters are more split. The majority agrees with his determination that the Driscolls’s book is sexist, but some defend the work, claiming that it is “real and honest.”  Moore engages with his commenters and confesses that he has a personal distaste for Driscoll.
            I believe that this online discourse over Real Marriage reveals just how significantly the Internet has changed the way that evangelicals interact with authority and in many ways, this newfound liberty is a reflection of the evangelical ideal type. Evangelicalism is founded on a personal, experiential piety, where the individual is the ultimate arbiter of orthopraxy and orthodoxy. Despite this, limited resources for communication have vested authority, even within the evangelical subculture, in the institution. Evangelicals were largely bound to the teachings of their local pastor, and theological debates took place between experts, at conferences and in books and articles. The Internet erodes that institutional authority, and, in the case of Mark Driscoll, it simultaneously grants and erodes charismatic authority. Driscoll is able to reach many more sympathetic ears than he normally would, but he is also subject to the scorn of critics, who would otherwise have no means of hearing the weekly sermons of a pastor in the Pacific Northwest.
            It is this universal ability to render judgment that makes the Internet uniquely suited to American evangelicalism. Any individual evangelical can have a blog, or comment on a blog, and any individual evangelical’s opinion is just as valid as any other’s. It is the public expression of Paul’s exhortation that one “work out their salvation with fear and trembling.”[12] Using the Internet to attack institutional power structures is both a public and a personal act. It allows evangelicals to be Smith’s “engaged orthodoxy” while simultaneously being utterly autonomous. By giving any evangelical the ability to fully express his or her dualistic nature, the Internet distills the movement down into its purest form -- a movement of the engaged individual.


[1] Driscoll, Mark, and Grace Driscoll, Real Marriage: The Truth about Sex, Friendship & Life Together (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2012).
[2] Gallagher, Sally K., and Christian Smith. "Symbolic Traditionalism and Pragmatic Egalitarianism: Contemporary Evangelicals, Families, and Gender." Gender and Society 13.2 (1999): 212-13.
[3] Stacey, Judith, and Susan E. Gerard, ""We Are Not Doormats": The Influence of Feminism on Contemporary Evangelicals in the United States." Uncertain Terms: Negotiating Gender in American Culture Ed. Faye D. Ginsburg and Anna Lowenhaupt. Tsing. (Boston: Beacon, 1990).
[4] The passage in question is Ephesians 5:22 in which the author (Paul’s authorship of Ephesians is disputed amongst scholars) writes, “Wives be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord.” NRSV
[5] Grudem, Wayne. "Personal Reflections on the History of CBMW and the State of the Gender Debate." The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. <http://www.cbmw.org/Journal/Vol-14-No-1/Personal-Reflections-on-the-History-of-CBMW-and-the-State-of-the-Gender-Debate>.
[6] "The Danvers Statement." The Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. <http://www.CBMW.org/Danvers>.
[7] iTunes. Computer software. Vers. 10.53. Web. 26 Apr. 2012.
[8] Real Marriage 66.
[9] Evans, Rachel H. "Driscoll, “Real Marriage,” and Why Being a Pastor Doesn’t Automatically Make You a Sex Therapist." Rachel Held Evans.com. <http://rachelheldevans.com/mark-driscoll-real-marriage>.
[10] Burk, Denny. "My Review of Mark Driscoll's "Real Marriage"" Denny Burk.com. <http://www.dennyburk.com/my-review-of-mark-driscolls-real-marriage/>.
[11] Moore, David. "(It Seems) Mark Driscoll Thinks Wives Are Only Good for Sex.” The Burner Blog. <http://theburnerblog.com/arts/books/mark-driscoll-thinks-wives-are-only-good-for-sex/>.
[12] Phil 2:12. NRSV

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